Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sunday Drivers

Hello guys!

I am doing just fine, but I am home long enough to give you a piece of my mute mind. Now, I don't drive because of my own reasons (and some interesting laws), but I do know basics of how to drive. So, if you are in the most left lane, please do the speed limit. I spent the weekend with my grandmother due to the grave issue, and on the 3 hour drive home, there were some real idiots on the road. I wish to submit a list of common sense rules to keep in mind.

1. You will be passed, sometime. If you are slow as hell, more often than not.

2. Don't get bitchy about being passed and decide that you cannot be passed, even if you are doing 15 below the speed limit in the left lane.


4. If someone is passing you, even if it is on the right, it is really bad form to speed up to match the passing car. It is ri-cock-ulous to do this if you are going 50 in a 65 mph and the car passing you is easily doing 85 because it shows you can drive at high speeds, you are just being a dick.

I'm going to go back down to the land of no internet in a day or so. I will update with more wonders then


Wednesday, January 9, 2008

No Update

Hello fine folks, be you new readers or browsing strangers.

I will not be posting anything for at least the next week and a half while I clear up familial issues of grave importance.

Did you read between the lines and figure out what happened today?


Monday, January 7, 2008

The Gospel of Hush

Behold! It is written:

She who is now called Hush could once speak, and conversed greatly with her peers and equals.

One night, while talking and imbibing the fermented juice of grapes, She who is now called Hush uttered "I'm not entirely sure wot's 'is name... infallible...God! God... I don' think he exists the way we think he exists. I think he is a she."

And lo! An angel* appeared and cruelly took the liquid courage from Hush's blood and said "Answer truthfully, heretic! Dost thou truly believe in the God Almighty being of fair sex?"

"Are you saying," a groggy She who is now called Hush retorted, "That a man, who created me in his image, has only a penis and not also the equipment to bear children?"

"Thou art a cursed hag, woman!" the angel cried. "From now on, thou shalt meet thy fellow city denizens and nay shall ye have pleasant words kiss thine ears but only perversions of the language you hold most dear! And, thou shalt not have a capacity to reprehend such tresspasses!"

And Hush opened her mouth to respond** and no word would pass by her flicking tongue and Ebonics rushed to her ears and she knew she had been cursed for reasons that were entirely unclear.

God (still of indeterminate gender), was not without mercy, even if his (her?) angels were not much for the concept. God directed the speechless girl to a boy who serves him without the taint of a hard-up priest's touch.

"Hush," God said to Hush, "go and speak with the unmolested Alter boy, for as he masturbates with his left hand, you masturbate with your right, and therefor you two are a complete set of hands that seek the true pleasure of knowing thyself."

And Hush did so, but was a little squicked by knowing of another's practice and therefor vowed to never touch his left hand.

* an androgynous angel, with flowing locks and a flat chest
** possibly to say "but you didn't respond to my question!"